Part 4, Chapter 4: No one likes to take orders

Principle: Ask questions instead of giving direct orders

No on likes to be told what to do–at any age.

Instead of saying,

“Do this, do that. Don’t do this. Don’t do that.”

Try saying,

“You might consider this. Do you think that would work? Maybe if we phrase it this way?”

Beginning with questions makes it more palatable and often stimulates creativity. People are likely to accept an order if they have had a part in the decision. (Similar to getting people to come up with the idea on their own instead of being told to do it.)

This reminds me a lot of the structure they have at my kids class.

They have “agreements,” (essentially rules) that they come up with together. The teacher asks the kids to think about how they should behave with certain things. A lot of it is what they can do, not what they can’t do.

For example with art, one of the agreements is to keep your paint on your paper, which basically covers the fact that you shouldn’t put paint on the table or your classmate.

They come up with these together, which makes a huge difference when enforcing them. They need to listen to their own ‘rules.’

Do you find yourself giving orders?

–Angela