Part 2, Chapter 4: An easy way to become a good conversationalist.

Principle 4: Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves.

Intentionally listening is the highest of compliments we can pay to anyone.

How can we be a good conversationalist? By listening to people.
People want to talk about themselves. (Think about podcasts, interviews on tv, etc).
Ask people questions that they want to answer. Be engaged.
What makes a tv host a good interviewer? They encourage their guests to talk about themselves. That’s why they’re on the show – to listen to them talk.

People fail to listen attentively because they are more concerned with what they’re going to say next rather than to listen to who’s talking.

There is also a different kind of listening.
The author talks about a man who was complaining to his phone company of being wrongly charged. On the phone he would cuss people out, yell – he was the worst.
A customer service rep was assigned to that case, listened to him for 3 hours in one sitting, then continued to visit him a few times after that. At the end of it all, he became almost friendly and retracted his complaints. All he wanted was to feel heard. To feel that he was important.

Most of the time when people come ready to complain or argue, they are caught off guard when they other person doesn’t reciprocate their negative energy, but rather listens and sympathizes. A majority of the time, the angry person will calm down and come to their senses.

Most of the time, people just want to vent. They’re not looking for advice, but just to be listened to.

Remember that people you are talking to are 100 times more interested in themselves and their wants and problems than they are in you and your problems.